All Olympic rants thus far...

1. Huge thunder thighs on the Canadian synchronized diver. Looking for bag to put on MY head.
2. Air rifle is the Curling of the summer Olympic. I understand why they wouldn’t want AK-47’s but at least use BB guns.
3. Whimpiest sport – Badminton– They’re giving up softball and keeping this.

• Opening ceremonies did cost $300 million but only if they had used American union workers, SAG actors and WGA writers. The out of pocket cost for the Chinese was $50 bucks.

• Did I hear them announce a country called Jabooty or Yobooty

• While the ceremonies showed the world how artistic China is – they gave it all back with the yellow/red team outfits. NBC should have had Tim Gunn or Heidi Klum comment on all the outfits. "Bulgaria – you are out!" Tim: "make the berets work".

• The etch-a-sketch dancers were amazing but the secret to their success was that they were on the world's largest LCD screen – and were threatened with a horrible death if they fucked up.

• Was I the only one who didn't take the French relay team seriously when they bragged they would "crush the Americans?” I believe they said the same thing to the Nazi's.

• Loved the reaction of the American relay team – but they don't exactly have that victory dance/celebration thing down. Michael Phelps with his pants mostly off - screaming - ain't gonna get it. Would love to have seen them break into a Stomp the Pool step routine – taunting the embarrassed French.

• Most awkward interview - female reporter yells at the relay team – "so who's talking now" – and they just stared at each other thinking it was a trick question until one of them finally said "we are?"

• The Chinese guy who killed the American committed suicide immediately after. I'm thinking he knew a fair trial was not gonna happen.

• I spent a half hour trying to get the color back on my TV before I realized it was smog. Yikes - - make's LA - on our smoggiest day - look like Hawaii. Thousands of years from now the Chinese will be born with at least 3 or 4 lungs and gills.

• When did the men swimmers start wearing girls’ bathing suits? Really -- is breaking an Olympic record worth risking male camel toe? I knew it would come to this when the men started wearing shower caps. I'd give anything to see a swimmer in cut off jeans and an AC/DC t-shirt.

• Anyone who thinks all the Chinese female gymnasts are 16 years old -- raise your hand and sign up for a Seeing Eye dog.

• It's not fair -- they seriously need to give the USA Basketball team some kind of handicap – like blindfolds. Nothing like humiliating your hosts and their biggest sports star. Although I gotta say the Chinese do seem to really love our guys. I just hope in a few years we don't see a rash of Chinack or Blanese orphans with names like Chowmella Anthony or La-jing Jam looking for their tall American fathers. On the other hand – they'd fit right in on the U of Florida football team.

• Is Andrea Kremer aging faster than time is moving? Her interviews were all terrible... she was embarrassing and she looks like a hybrid of a starving Angela Lansbury and an exhumed Jessica Simpson. How about when she kept pushing Laughlin by pounding her for her tendency to ride the lane marker during her breaststroke? Reminded me of Jim Gray on Pete Rose.

• Why wasn't Bella Karolyi subtitled? I was like huh? What? Is he even attempting English or was he just piss drunk... what was that? I'm thinking drunk since even Costas didn't understand what the hell he was talking about... as he had to correct him and tell him how the rules work for Olympic gymnastics. Costas is great .

• Speaking of Costas.... his interview with Bush was great. Other then picking a few key words and recycling them in his answers Bush actually appeared more intelligible and spontaneous, and dare I say, genuine than the imbecile he's made out to be.

• Am I the only one that noticed that when Bush was in the stands he had what appeared to be huge cuts and scrapes on his arm? Hmmm....

• How fucking great was that relay?

• How fucking disappointed did Katie Hoff's face look when she dominated the race she wasn't supposed to medal in only to get caught and outreached at the finish by the Australian to claim silver?

• Did the US gymnastics team uniforms look like they were made of rubber or some sort of bulletproof superhero skin? What about that little cannonball of muscle on our team that looks like she's better then everyone else combined?

• The TMZ tabloid drama of one swimmer rooming with another and then trading boyfriends and blah blah blah was awesome! That's what Olympics are all about... the heartwarming stories that come from the athletes.

• Why are the Americans openly and clearly getting shafted on gymnastic scores already? Well, I guess Bella thinks that, but then again he was wasted.

• The Chinese divers... I'm not gonna lie... I wanna fuck the shit out of Ling Ling or whatever her name is.

• Lastly... where is our babe Olympian? Amanda Beard... remember her? She was smoking hot! No, not feeling it so much for current crop.

• Toughest challenge in all of Olympics – doing Iron Cross look without looking like your balls are about to come out of your nose.