Phelps: Fish out of water?

Set your TiVo's now for the season premier of SNL on Sept 13th... I believe it's a Saturday. Yes, I know. Michael Phelps will be hosting. He has zero acting experience and I'm sure he'll be making fun of himself. Imagine the possibilities. Just the thought sounds hilarious to me and they have all this time to prepare for the 1st episode when they usually have only a few days. Sure to be a classic like when Peyton Manning did the show. I can't wait.

Top 9 comments that NBC commentators wish they could take back...

Eagle comments...

Hilarious -- I can't believe they really said these things.

1. Weight-lifting commentator: This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria. I
saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.

2. Dressage commentator: This is really a lovely horse
and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her
mother.

3. Paul Hamm, gymnast: I owe a lot to my parents, especially my
mother and father.

4. Boxing analyst: Sure there have been injuries, and even some
deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.

5. Softball announcer: If history repeats itself, I should think we
can expect the same thing again.

6. Basketball analyst: He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't
like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC
president is hugging the cox of the British crew.

8. Soccer commentator: Julian Dicks is everywhere.
It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.

9. Tennis commentator: One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that,
before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . .
oh my God, what have I just said?

What are the most unforgettable moments of these Games?

I feel like there are three moments that I will never forget. Good, Bad, funny, sad, whatever...

Unforgettable:
1. Lezak catching that cocky French bastard that ran his mouth was poetic justice. I was amped.
2. Usain Bolt's 100m was mind blowing and such an out of left field story.
3. Shawn Johnson's beam routine. She was so rock solid with so much pressure and for some reason her performance sticks out in my mind more than Nastia's. Don't know why. Personality maybe.
4. Michael Phelp's mom.

Heartbreaking:
1. Alicia Sacramone eating shit all day long in the team competition. You couldn't help but feel for her.
2. LoLo Jones stumbling over the 9th hurdle and not making the podium after a dominating lead.
3. The poor Chinese girl that they said was "not cute enough" to sing in front of people and the cameras. Terrible.

Hilarious:
1. Bela Karolyi anything.
2. Kobe and LeBron "supporting" USA at the Beach volleyball matches.
3. That track chick running in full on muslim garb.

Did Bolt steal Phelps show?

I saw this on Jim Rome today. A reporter asked Bolt how he felt about the comparisons to Michael Phelps and his response was classic. Bolt said, "I don't really compare myself to Michael Phillips. He's just a swimmer, I'm an athlete."

Ouch!

Which bodes the next question... Who was the Olympics biggest star, Michael Phelps or Usain Bolt?

You know what? I'm going Bolt. Not that what Phelps did isn't spectacular and will never be surpassed but it's really hard to even fathom that Usain Bolt obliterated the World Record in the 100m AND he started show boating with 20m to go! Then... he goes out and, in the context of Olympic times, crushes the 200m time that was supposedly unbreakable. His coach says that he'll be even better in the 400m! In addition to all that he has only just begun to learn how to run having only done it for a year. Scary.

And finally, he is now indisputably the "Fastest Man in the History of the Planet." That's the coolest title in sports.

Final Night remarks...

As the Olympics and the Closing Ceremonies went on I had lots of questions arise to most of which Bob Costas answered in his final thoughts, albeit maybe his personal opinion. My thoughts are all along the lines of where in history and how in memory will these Olympics be remembered? It appears that these Games are likely to stand the test of time as a vivid memory... so many moments and feats that will be difficult to forget. $300 Billion dollars the Chinese government spent. The architectural structures. The controversy. The Records. The tragedy and the triumph. The changing of the guard as China now clearly being a future force to reckon with. The failures. The possibilities. I will go into lists in othMary Currer threads and believe me there are lots of them. Anyway... wonk wonk.... here's the rant.

- Is it just me or were Mary Cirillo and Bill Walton separated at birth? If so, I think Lou Holtz needs to submit a sperm sample. They make Sylvester the Cat sound like Martin Luther King. Just saying.

- Is there anything in sports cooler than the Olympic flame? No puns please.

- The Visa ads with Morgan Freeman were great. Very well played campaign. They were just great to watch.

- That "Beijing, Beijing" song sounded great and was so damn catchy I just wanted to sing along but it sounded like "kasfvnkl kdf alklfka.... Beijing! Beijing! alkvmzs kajim Beijing! Beijing! aklfnalk NBC needed that little ball bouncing on subtitles.

- Jackie Chan? Well, he finally made me laugh. Boy, I guess there really isn't many Chinese celebrities. Does anyone else get the feeling that even the Chinese make fun of him?

- Doesn't the name "Closing Ceremonies" itself imply the end? Isn't it ironic that they did anything but end? Starvation kills you faster. Hell, the Titanic ended faster. Even London was wondering if the games were gonna be late. Suggestion: Opening Ceremonies... 2 1/2 hour Gala, Closing Ceremonies... 15 minutes, put the damn flame out and let's go home. It's like sex, yeah sure, I'll get dressed nice, look forward to what lies ahead, take you to a nice dinner to show you that, actually talk to you and pay attention for awhile. Then, once we have sex... well... looking forward to the next games?

- That being said... Costas was brilliant in his final thoughts. Such a huge fan of his. He has a way like no other. I'm sure his ego is massive but it doesn't show in his work.

Through Eagle's eyes...

Some observations from an Anonymous source we'll just call.... Eagle:

Couple of "Code name: Eagle's" final observations:

n Synchronized swimming and rhythmic gymnastics teams – same women – I swear. Never saw them in the same room together. Tight hair pulled back in a bun – hooker make-up – dominatrix attitude.

On the other hand – did you see what they do? Amazing. They pull themselves out of the water – I thought you had to have a fish tail to do that – like Flipper.

n I wonder if Pau Gasol will be ok with Kobe when the new season starts after Kobe sent his ass flying 10 feet – and unless they didn't show it – I didn't see Kobe offer a hand up or "sorry". But my first thought was "that's why the Lakers got beat with him".

n You're 100% right about attitude. Look at the USA Basketball Multi-Millionaires jumping up and down like kids after they won. I've NEVER seen anything like that after an NBA Championship. Or Roger Federer arguably the greatest tennis player ever – crying on the medal stand because he won Switzerland's first ever medal – a Gold in DOUBLES no less. Didn't matter.

n What the fuck did Lebron James throw up in the air after the game? Ashes? Is that the new thing? Misty May did the same thing with her mom's ashes – to which I say "euwwwww"

n US Men's Volleyball Gold – what a great inspirational story.

n We have to get into who is hottest girl and hottest team. I'm amazed at how great some of the water sports athletes look with their hair dryed. I do have a vote for ugliest female sport – Discus. The American 7 foot giant homely girl won and she was the best looking one on the podium.

Speaking of assholes...

http://www.tmz.com/2008/08/23/oh-hell-taekwon-no/

He's still an asshole...

there's a time and place for the critique and that wasn't it regardless of her response.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?id=3548240

Relays

What happened to the art of the baton hand off? I ran track, albeit in high school, but it was so simple then... the lead guy takes off never looking back and extends the opposite arm from what the runner already has the baton in backwards and underarm with an open palm... the runner slaps the baton into the palm and then and only then the hand closes securing the baton. These Olympic hand offs are crazy looking... too much reaching and grabbing and looking and guessing going on.

I was kidding when I said this...

but apparently Bill Parcells ACTUALLY is looking at Usain Bolt!

For the record, he will never play a down in the NFL. What a joke... that's like Floyd Mayweather trying to Ultimate Fight. A joke.

Commentary: Tale of Dolphins and Usain Bolt runs wild

"A report on MediaTakeOut.com stated that it spoke to "a person affiliated with the NFL's Miami Dolphins organization who claims that Bill Parcells is interested in trying out Bolt." The "report" went on to say that the Dolphins had dispatched a scout to China to talk with Bolt's manager.

By GREG STODA
Palm Beach Post Staff Columnist

Friday, August 22, 2008

Usain Bolt. Dolphins.

Whooooooosh!!!!

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/dolphins/content/sports/epaper/2008/08/22/a1c_stoda_0823.html

Scorecard...

No. Year Host Country Winner # Runner Up #
I 1896 Athens, Greece Greece 46 USA 20
II 1900 Paris, France France 103 USA 47
1902 Athens, Greece (unofficial)
III 1904 St. Louis, USA USA 239 Germany 13
1906 Athens, Greece France 42 Greece 34
IV 1908 London, United Kingdom UK 145 USA 47
V 1912 Stockholm, Sweden Sweden 65 USA 64
VI 1916 Berlin, Germany (WWI)
VII 1920 Antwerp, Belgium USA 95 Sweden 63
VIII 1924 Paris, France USA 99 France 41
IX 1928 Amsterdam, Netherlands USA 56 Germany 39
X 1932 Los Angeles, USA USA 110 Italy 36
XI 1936 Berlin, Germany Germany 101 USA 57
XII 1940 Tokyo, Japan (WWII)
XIII 1944 London, UK (WWII)
XIV 1948 London, United Kingdom USA 84 Sweden 46
XV 1952 Helsinki, Finland USA 76 Soviet Union 71
XVI 1956 Melbourne, Australia Soviet Union 98 USA 74
XVI 1956 Stockholm, Sweden Soviet Union 98 USA 74
XVII 1960 Rome, Italy Soviet Union 103 USA 71
XVIII 1964 Tokyo, Japan Soviet Union 96 USA 90
XIX 1968 Mexico City, Mexico USA 107 Soviet Union 91
XX 1972 Munich, Germany Soviet Union 99 USA 94
XXI 1976 Montreal, Canada Soviet Union 125 USA 94
XXII 1980 Moscow, Soviet Union Soviet Union 195 East Germany 126
XXIII 1984 Los Angeles, USA USA 174 West Germany 59
XXIV 1988 Seoul, South Korea Soviet Union 132 East Germany 102
XXV 1992 Barcelona, Spain Soviet Union 112 USA 108
XXVI 1996 Atlanta, USA USA 101 Germany 65
XXVII 2000 Sydney, Australia USA 92 Russia 88
XXVIII 2004 Athens, Greece USA 103 Russia 92
XXIX 2008 Beijing, China
XXX 2012 London, England

Shocking observations...

- The Victorian! Are you fucking kidding me!?! It makes the Iron Cross look about as challenging as the missionary position!

- Usain Bolt -- He is so good and so polarizing that the cameras and commentators never left him for many minutes leading up to the 200 meter event, which he is supposedly better at than the 100 meter which he completely destroyed the field in... now that is a scary thought. The best part was about 5 seconds before the gun when a commentator says "Oh by the way the defending Olympic Champion Shawn Crawford is in this heat." Can you say "overshadowed?"

- Women's Discuss -- A US woman... who nobody can even remember her name... wins this event and the commentator here says "This has to be considered as the biggest upset of these games." Ummm... in women's discuss? Okie dokie, if you say so. Have fun convincing the world of that. See... I already forgot.

- Kobe and LeBron on the beach watching Misty May and Kerry Walsh. Yeah... I'm sure they were there for moral support and Volleyball. Hilarious. Can anything look more out of place? Then again, Yao Ming is in the NBA I guess.

- The Trampoline? What the fuck. You know... I wanted to rip it until I saw the routines and then I was like, you know... it's elegant, kept my attention and looked pretty damn challenging. Still, it's pretty lame but for some reason I kept watching it. Maybe in hopes of seeing a disaster. I can't explain it... but since I watched it then it must be pretty cool because I can't watch badminton.

- Russian Women's Pole Vaulter -- Ummm... ridiculously fucking HOT! Not only that but is there really a cooler event? Seriously, she takes a nap on the infield while her competitors all jockey for position in an attempt to get up to her STARTING height. Then they wake her up... she does one vault and not only qualifies but sets the bar above what anyone else can do except the US girl who cleared it. The hot Russian vaults again and it's over in Olympic Record fashion. Oh what the hell, she already wins and then goes out and gets the World Record too. Then back to sleep. That's just awesome. Oh yeah, and she's HOT!

- Women's Softball -- Ok we all know the sport is no longer going to be an Olympic sport because the US Team has never not won Gold and that's bullshit. Listen to this... the US Team has outscored their opponents 53-1 and that run was unearned. They also have 2 no-hitters already. Yeah, that's sick but based on that logic then why doesn't the Olympic committee just ditch the Diving events? Nobody is even close to being in the same league as China. Waaa waaa waaa... let's get rid of diving and for that matter let's just ditch Basketball too.

- Mark Spitz -- I saw him get interviewed on First and Ten on ESPN this morning regarding Phelps. He could not have been more gracious. I was shocked, he seems like a great guy. He said Phelps is better than he was and what he did is far more incredible because of the different number of strokes and events he participated in. Spitz had 13 races in the same amount of time as Phelps 17. He had nothing but praise and humility and really came of like a class act. Good for him.

- Sports Illustrated -- I just saw the new cover with Michael Phelps wearing all 8 of his Gold medals and it looks ridiculous... it looks like a blouse or a dress. They could have done a lot better and more creative job. You'll see. I don't like it... it deserves better. I'm sure Wheaties will be much better.

ESPN sucks...

I fucking hate ESPN. In a simple flip of the channel an event final was ruined for me tonight. Why do they flash Olympic results WITHOUT warning on the screen when they know full well that it is going to be one of the main focal points for the primetime telecast? That just pisses me off.

I think it's weird...

... that Cris Collinsworth is doing segments for the Olympics. Even weirder than that is he is actually coming off as genuine, having the time of his life and dare I say likeable... weird for a Gator. Although telling Alicia Sacramone that he understands her pain because he lost 2 Superbowls is like me telling him that I know what it's like running out of the tunnel for a Superbowl because I played WR in North Dakota. It's just not the same is it?

... that Alicia Sacramone will actually be remembered for years, not for her successes, but rather for her heartbreaking failures. Especially after seemingly being unfairly robbed of a Bronze medal in the Vault. I loved seeing how freaking pissed off, determined and competitive she looked after falling off the beam on her mount. So nice to see that fire, obviously dejected as well, but to see a female gymnast not pretending like it was ok was great. I'll remember that moment. (Interesting side note is that she is 2nd in hits on nbcolympics.com to Phelps.)

... that the Jamaican sprinters both male and female are THIS dominant! Where the hell did that come from?

... that there is an, OF AGE, gymnast that I wouldn't touch for all the tea in China. That 33 year old, although a great story, is just plain, well, not a super model.

... how unbelievably well the Shawn Johnson handles pressure and and how articulate and humble she is for a 16 year old super star. Regardless of the situation she still has such an adorable smile and attitude as if she gets it and doesn't hinge her whole legacy as a person on it... unlike say, Nastia Luikin. If she loses... she might jump.

... that Nastia Luikin's dad is soooo damn controlling. It's kinda creepy... I get the feeling she's tortured for anything less than perfect. He makes David Archuleta's dad look like Charles Ingalls.

... that the poor girl from Russian got screwed on her Vault for leaving to early. Come the fuck on... that's about as stupid as having to sign your card after a golf match in a private room. What the hell does that have to due with the result? Poor girl... she knows the rules but it still makes you feel for her.

... that the Russians and Romanians are no longer relative, or even a threat, in the Olympics and gymnastics in particular. (Ok, I typed that prior to the Romanian winning Gold on the Floor.... figures. Jinxed the poor girl.)

... that the simple twirl the gymnastic girls do gives them so many problems... it looks like it's the easiest thing they do by far.

... that every damn team hugs each other after a routine. That's just bizarre to me.

... that I'm the only one blogging. Can someone sponsor me so all I have to do is research and blog 24/7?

Ebersol is brilliant...

or whoever made the decision to brink Bela Karolyi on as a guest analyst because he can say whatever the hell he wants and becomes the scapegoat for NBC... I mean that as a good thing. The Network, obviously Costas, even Collinsworth is being PC and he never shuts up in the NFL segments. NBC comes off looking squeaky clean and any backlash or outburst by anyone that wants to complain for "blaming the refs", which is taboo in sports, and NBC just points the finger at Bela. It's smart, let's bring on Bela and knowing his personality ask him the tough question and just sit back and watch him go. Bela has been great though, simply stating his opinions on judging and he has made comments about other countries performances that earned them medals as opposed to us losing them via poor scoring. He's been a treat for sure, it just so happens he is also the perfect villian for NBC to blame should he say something controversial.

Phelps Facebook...

After Phelps mentioned his Facebook profile in an interview with Costas how many people do you think went to check it out? Well, one for sure... me....I pulled this from Michael Phelps Facebook Blog....

This was written in "The Public Pulse" (opinion) section of the Sunday world-herald by a Nebraska man...

Going for the gold
Why does U.S. Olympic swimmer
Michael Phelps need all those gold
medals? Surely, two or three would be
enough to gain him a slew of product
endorsements, thus ensuring him a
lifetime of financial security.
Is Phelps just another greedy, self-
centered American, so focused on
personal excellence that he has lost
the capacity to feel compassion for
his fellow athletes from less wealthy
countries? After all, didn't they also
train hard?
But Phelps just won't quit. He
keeps competing as hard as he can,
thus depriving others of their fair
share of medals. Where is the justice
here?
Perhaps Congress should hold
hearings and pass a law compelling
Phelps to either stop crowding out the
competition or give up some of his
medals to less fortunate athletes,
whose sense of self-esteem surely
must be suffering in the wake of
Phelps' successes.

I responded....
I assure you the competitors that missed out on their Gold medals due to the fact they were just unfortunate enough to have a career simultaneously with Michael Phelps would want it no other way than to have their opportunity to race against him. They feel better about themselves having finished 2nd to him with their best effort than they would winning an event he decided not to participate in. It would be an insult to other athletes for Michael to not race just so they could get their shot. The man that made this ridiculous comment clearly has never been a competitor in his life. It's so absurd I'm mad at myself for even responding to it.

Oh yeah...

I almost forgot. Is there anything more lame than the Steeplechase? I don't get it. A couple random hurdles and a water pit. Explain the point of this.

- Michael Phelps getting 8 Golds in one games with 7 world records. That means that to break that record you would need to win 9 Gold medals... it's not possible is it? I don't think so. I think this is the greatest accomplishment in sports history... sorry Lance.

- Talking about exploitation. It sure didn't take NBC long to cash in on Phelps making history. Before Lezak was even out of the pool they flashed the website to where you can purchase the DVD. As far as business is concerned, yes there's no better time to do it but somehow it just doesn't embody the Olympic spirit.

- A 100 meter run at 9.69 that could have been in the 9.5's... that's 30 mph! The dude is 6'5". Bill Parcells better be on the phone! There has to be a point where physics or biomechanics or something kicks in to where a human cannot possibly run faster in.... doesn't there?

- The Romanian marathon runner wins easily at 38. Lezak swam like porpoise at 32. Dana Torres misses a Gold by a fingernail... literally... at 41. There are numerous other as well but has anybody noticed the number of Olympic athletes that are winning medals well into their 30's and in Dana Torres' case into their 40's? I think that alone speaks of volumes for training and literally changes the conventional wisdom of what was once thought to be that even your late 20's in Olympic hospice. I feel like there's a story, a segment, a documentary or something that should be done on this. Is there a Documentary out there that discusses the evolution of the Olympic games and it's athletes? There must be but if there isn't there absolutely should be. How great would it be to do the research on that and get paid?!

- Not to rip Andrea Kremer again but she deserves it. After doing this many interviews with relay teams why does she still ask a question and then shove the microphone into the middle creating an awkward moment where all the athletes just look back and forth at each other wondering if the other will answer? It was unfortunate that Soni didn't get to say anything and she kept the mic on Torres and Coughlin. It could easily be avoided by her getting the lesser stars their chance with her first question directed to the 2 lesser stars and then focus on the bigger stars to close the interview. It's seems so simple. I don't know why this bother me so damn much but I think it sucks that Soni was barely even in the frame. It's the Olympics... she deserved that much.

- I was unable to watch the games last night so I TiVO'd and watched them early this morning. Guess where my TIVO cut off at? Right when Bob Costas was about to interview Phelps! God that sucks! So I have yet to see it but I'm sure I will catch it today. How many Medals are possible for him in 4 years? His program will be far less but you never know...

Michael Phelps!

Are you kidding me!?

Interviews...

I watch the Olympics on DVR on about a 15 minute delay from the coverage so I don't have to sit through commercials, that's how much anxiety rules my life but I digress. I just saw for the very first time Costas interviewing Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson with Bela. It was such a great interview on many levels. Without blowing NBC brass here I have to admit that I love the fact that the atmosphere presented by NBC is so comfortable and warm. Costas has a gift. I just think he's the best in the biz and has been for years and he can elegantly handle someone like Bela and make it as comfortable for the viewers as if we were all buddies. Let's face it Bela is a handful and Costas just rolls with it effortlessly and not only embraces it but encourages it. I think Andrea Kremer is a good example of how difficult simple interviews can be. Not to bash the girl but how many post event interviews has she actually given that didn't feel a little awkward? To me, very few. In addition to the warm and slice of life feel Costas gives you every time, I thought the girls were as well spoken and articulate as any 16 and 18 year old you would expect to see. Look at the boys gymnastics team.... to me the shout outs and wonk wonks they were giving on camera reminded me of 18 year olds boys acting like 15 year old immature punks. Don't get me wrong, I would have been doing keg stands if I made the Olympic team. Then again, the keg stands may be 1 of thousands of reasons I am not an Olympic athlete.

International Storylines...

2 things... one being all the different international backgrounds deeply intertwined throughout some Olympic teams. A huge number of other countries Olympic athletes are best friends, teammates and classmates at Texas, Georgia, Tennessee, Stanford, etc. It's great that the US team is loaded with other ethnic backgrounds. Our gymnastic champion was born in Moscow... these things are cool.

The other not being so cool and that's how the competing teams are so social with their competitors. I guarantee Mary Lou and Nadia weren't bullshitting between events with Russia. Times have changed... the prior for the better and the latter for worse, although as a human... I think it's great. As a competitor... I think it's disgusting. Maybe it would be better to say that every step towards world peace is step away from competition. At the end of the day I know the changing times are a good thing.

Silver Medal.

You would think that winning a Silver Medal in the Olympics for your country would be the most amazing experience and immortalize you forever as an Olympic hero. And it true... unless of course the Gold Medal is won by a member of your own country and team. Then... you disappear and nobody ever remembers your name. Now that won't be the case for Shawn Johnson because the magnitude of going 1 and 2 in gymnastics and for the USA. But name another Silver Medalist in Olympic history where the Gold went to the same country. Yeah... me neither.

- Balance Beam vs. Iron Cross... ok both defy logic and physics but guess what? I can train and eventually do an Iron Cross. There is no way in hell I would ever be able to do a back flip on a balance beam. End of story. It's not even debatable. No, I am not gay.

- Beauty vs. Power... the differing styles between the 2 American girls was fun to watch and Bella made such a great point -- I think -- that it was interesting to see what style the judges and the world embraced as it would have a dynamic and profound impact on the future of gymnastics. Well, he actually said... ksdk afkjia gjf8 kdfjfnw ldskgf isj opi iis. I'm pretty sure that's what he meant though. As it turned out both styles are awesome.

- What about the pudgy US swimmer (Soni) coming out and pulling what has been deemed the greatest upset of these Olympic games with a dominating World Record setting upset to win Gold over the Australian champ. She looked more like a shy awkward teenager than a gold medal olympic swimmer but she did it and deserved it.

- Michael Phelps vs. Mark Spitz. Was it as dominating then as it clearly is now. If so, who has ever been as dominating in their sport as these guys... ever. That Russian wrestler comes to mind and Rulon Gardener? Lance Armstrong? Arnold Palmer? In my mind if Phelps gets all 8 in World Record fashion... he is the most dominating athlete ever in their respective sport.

- Janet Evans still holds the World Record in the 800 Freestyle by 3 freaking seconds and she set it in 1989. The oldest pool record by far. Next closest event record was broken in 2001. Think about how remarkable that is.

Pressure...

I'm sorry but 4th and goal from the 5 down by 5 in the Super Bowl with 100 million people watching is not pressure. Down by 2 at the free throw line with no time on the clock in the NBA Finals with 50 million people watching is not pressure. A 7 foot putt for a green jacket is not pressure. Doing a 30 second flipping, spinning, contorting routine on any of the 4 apparatus' by yourself for Olympic Gold with 4 Billion people watching and the rest of your eternal life being a part of history is fucking pressure. Those last 4 routines of the floor last night were spectacular. I get choked up for that shit and always have. Unbelievable.

More thoughts...

The games were far less interesting last night than any night thus far in my opinion... I realized this when I woke up on my couch at 2:AM after seeing only 3 rotations of the men's gymnastics.... at least I was awake long enough to see that Japanese dude eat shit on the rings of Danny Way proportions (X-Games reference... Yes, I'm also addicted to that.) Just trust me... he ate shit hardcore. A few observations...

- Some American chick won Gold in a Preliminary cycling race apparently. Huh? Sooo... you can win a medal before the actual fucking race? Yeah, whatever.. that's not even the issue. Her name is yada yada yada Artmstrong. Are you kidding me? Here's a suggestion for future generations.... if you're an adolescent and blossoming in let's say golf and your name is Tiger... fucking change it. Same applies for basketball and your name being Jordan... hockey and Gretzky. Save yourself some embarrassment of even coming close to measuring up. The upside... people that don't shit like myself will be blogging about you.

- US Beach Volleyball duo Misty May and Kerry Walsh have won 104 straight matches and have not lost a set in 10 Olympic matches. That is impressive. It's as dominant in their sport as Phelps is in the pool, Armstrong was on a bike and UCLA was in their 88 straight under Wooden.

- Speaking of May-Walsh, not gorgeous by any means yet I'm strangely attracted to them. Weird. Kinda like Sarah Silverman and Sarah Jessica Parker... don't find them hot but some power beyond my own makes me want to fuck them.

- Men's synchronized diving? Oh boy, I mean I'm sure it's difficult but is it really necessary? Not worth having to introduce your partner to people as well, your "partner." What are they hair dressers by day and roller blade for fun. And what's with the showering after dives? That makes about as much sense as taking a shit and then wiping your ass.

- The US stinks in diving. When the"angle of entry" misses and significantly damages the results it's time to change sports and the word perpendicular goes with synchronized diving about as well as the word teeth goes with blow job.

- NBC graphics? During a race that strangely the Chinese finished 1 and 2 a ball or drum was thrown into the picture and the pool. Until the commentators explained what it was I seriously thought it was a fantastic graphic of a splash or a large water drop. Very cool idea that if done correctly and not abused could be nice added touch to specific events... obviously the water events would be the easiest.

answers

What were Spitz's times? I heard he wouldn't have made the team with them. If that's true -- has the technology or shaving excess hair improved times that much in 20 years. Can you imagine a swimmer today with Spitz's mustache?
Lay off Bella -- after all he has to go home every night and fuck Martha. No wife should look that much like her husband.
Badminton actually makes table tennis look tough. It's like someone keeps hitting the slo-motion button after they hit the shuttlecock (which is another problem). And they're getting rid of softball for this.
Have you seen the archery equipment. It's like a cross bow on steroids.
The thunder thighs on the Canadian synchronized diving girl were unbelievable. I turned on the tv and my first thought was "what is the wrestling team doing on the diving platform". But I gotta admit in the back of my mind I was thinking - "what would death be like being squeezed by those fucking drumsticks".

Answers:

Swimmers from 4 years ago wouldn't make the finals with their winning times. I was in full swim team mode in "72. Everyone would shave for big meets. Believe it or not, shaving always made you faster. Spitz was so good, he did not have to. Just shaving his armpits would cut minutes off his times. Technology and training has made a difference. Way back when, swimmers were big at 180 pounds. The guys in the pool now are behemoths. Nobody did much weight training then either. Plus, the new suits have changed the drag issues. Last thing is that some of the rules have changed regarding how the strokes are done. You didn't used to get to swim so far under water as they do now and the backstroke turns are real different. Breast stroke now lets you dunk your head underwater and allows your hands to come out of the water which makes that stroke way faster. Good point on Bella. People look like their dogs after awhile. Do you think this happens with husband and wife? Maybe Bella thinks he is a wild and crazy guy that looks good in the mirror. Maybe he just wanted to fuck himself.My first knee surgery was a result of badminton. No comment. Are you sure you like team games where the final score is 1-0? (Soccer?) Or do you just like the beefy girl look as opposed to Burner who seems to like the pre-puberesent gymnasts... I suggest women's beach=2 0volleyball as a comprimise. I was involved with archery at this level and know too much technically to comment without being killed by you all.Didn't see the diver but my guess is quick and painful.

What's more amazing?

What's more amazing?

1.) That the Chinese pulled the stunt of trying to make their image look better by switching little girls to sing because one was cuter than the other?

2.) That the real singer was that amazing at only 7 freaking years old?

3.) That the 9 year old girl was actually able to completely pull of the lip syncing performance flawlessly? Good thing that isn't an Olympic event -- yet anyway... I'm sure it's coming though and will be performed between badminton matches.

4.) Opening Ceremonies.

5.) The fact that they have zero intention of apologizing or even trying to make it right?

6.) Michael Phelps.

7.) Canadian divers thighs.

8.) 33 year old gymnast.

9.) Bella and Marta looking identical.

10.) 12 year old Chinese gymnasts... losing baby teeth and 60 lbs. True story.

11.) Smog worse than LA.

12.) Spanish BB team making slant eyes picture... including Pao Gasol. Jason Kidd is right by saying that the USA team would be kicked out of Olympics.

13.) Iron Cross.

14.) Mens swimmers wearing womens bathing suits.

15.) Badminton and Air Rifle being an Olympic sport while Softball will not be.

16.) Not one American name on USA men's gymnastics team.

17.) Bob Costas actually understanding what the hell Bella is saying.

18.) Men's Basketball team not winning a game by 20 points.

19.) How sexy our Misty May and Kerry Walsh look in their tiny "uniforms".

20.) Michael Phelps being pissed off for setting World Record after swimming entire race with goggles filled with water.

I could go on and on.....

All-Time Olympic Games Results...

http://www.databaseolympics.com/index.htm

Deep thoughts...

Lay off Bella -- after all he has to go home every night and fuck Martha. No wife should look that much like her husband.

Badminton actually makes table tennis look tough. It's like someone keeps hitting the slo-motion button after they hit the shuttlecock (which is another problem). And they're getting rid of softball for this.

Have you seen the archery equipment. It's like a cross bow on steroids.

The thunder thighs on the Canadian synchronized diving girl were unbelievable. I turned on the tv and my first thought was "what is the wrestling team doing on the diving platform". But I gotta admit in the back of my mind I was thinking - "what would death be like being squeezed by those fucking drumsticks".

Spitz' times...

What were Spitz's times? I heard he wouldn't have made the team with them. If that's true -- has the technology or shaving excess hair improved times that much in 20 years. Can you imagine a swimmer today with Spitz's mustache?

Pussy Olympic sports...

Whimpiest sport – Badminton– They’re giving up softball and keeping this.

Afir rifle vs. curling

1. Air rifle is the Curling of the summer Olympic. I understand why they wouldn’t want AK-47’s but at least use BB guns.

Fattest diver ever?

1. Huge thunder thighs on the Canadian synchronized diver. Looking for bag to put on MY head.

Iron Cross.... how the fuck??

Toughest challenge in all of Olympics – doing Iron Cross look without looking like your balls are about to come out of your nose.

Our Olympic babes??

Lastly... where is our babe Olympian? Amanda Beard... remember her? She was smoking hot! No, not feeling it so much for current crop.

Chinese syncro divers...

The Chinese divers... I'm not gonna lie... I wanna fuck the shit out of Ling Ling or whatever her name is.

Gymnastic judging suspect?

Why are the Americans openly and clearly getting shafted on gymnastic scores already? Well, I guess Bella thinks that, but then again he was wasted.

Chick swimming TMZ drama...

The TMZ tabloid drama of one swimmer rooming with another and then trading boyfriends and blah blah blah was awesome! That's what Olympics are all about... the heartwarming stories that come from the athletes.

US girl gymnastic team...

Did the US gymnastics team uniforms look like they were made of rubber or some sort of bulletproof superhero skin? What about that little cannonball of muscle on our team that looks like she's better then everyone else combined?

Hoff's disappointment...

How fucking disappointed did Katie Hoff's face look when she dominated the race she wasn't supposed to medal in only to get caught and outreached at the finish by the Australian to claim silver?

Best fucking relay ever!

How fucking great was that relay?

Bush battles wounds?

Am I the only one that noticed that when Bush was in the stands he had what appeared to be huge cuts and scrapes on his arm? Hmmm....

Costas vs. Bush

Speaking of Costas.... his interview with Bush was great. Other then picking a few key words and recycling them in his answers Bush actually appeared more intelligible and spontaneous, and dare I say, genuine than the imbecile he's made out to be.

Bella say what?

Why wasn't Bella Karolyi subtitled? I was like huh? What? Is he even attempting English or was he just piss drunk... what was that? I'm thinking drunk since even Costas didn't understand what the hell he was talking about... as he had to correct him and tell him how the rules work for Olympic gymnastics. Costas is great.

Andrea Kremer or Jim Gray?

Is Andrea Kremer aging faster than time is moving? Her interviews were all terrible... she was embarrassing and she looks like a hybrid of a starving Angela Lansbury and an exhumed Jessica Simpson. How about when she kept pushing Laughlin by pounding her for her tendency to ride the lane marker during her breaststroke? Reminded me of Jim Gray on Pete Rose.

USA BB team needs handicap...

It's not fair -- they seriously need to give the USA Basketball team some kind of handicap – like blindfolds. Nothing like humiliating your hosts and their biggest sports star. Although I gotta say the Chinese do seem to really love our guys. I just hope in a few years we don't see a rash of Chinack or Blanese orphans with names like Chowmella Anthony or La-jing Jam looking for their tall American fathers. On the other hand – they'd fit right in on the U of Florida football team.

16 years old my ass...

Anyone who thinks all the Chinese female gymnasts are 16 years old -- raise your hand and sign up for a Seeing Eye dog.

Men swimmers... girl suits? WTF?

When did the men swimmers start wearing girls’ bathing suits? Really -- is breaking an Olympic record worth risking male camel toe? I knew it would come to this when the men started wearing shower caps. I'd give anything to see a swimmer in cut off jeans and an AC/DC t-shirt.

Smog anyone?

I spent a half hour trying to get the color back on my TV before I realized it was smog. Yikes - - make's LA - on our smoggiest day - look like Hawaii. Thousands of years from now the Chinese will be born with at least 3 or 4 lungs and gills.

Fair trial?

The Chinese guy who killed the American committed suicide immediately after. I'm thinking he knew a fair trial was not gonna happen.

Most awkward interview...

Most awkward interview - female reporter yells at the relay team – "so who's talking now" – and they just stared at each other thinking it was a trick question until one of them finally said "we are?

USA Victory Dance...

Loved the reaction of the American relay team – but they don't exactly have that victory dance/celebration thing down. Michael Phelps with his pants mostly off - screaming - ain't gonna get it. Would love to have seen them break into a Stomp the Pool step routine – taunting the embarrassed French.

French blah blah blah...

Was I the only one who didn't take the French relay team seriously when they bragged they would "crush the Americans?” I believe they said the same thing to the Nazi's.

Chinese horrible death for fuck ups...

The etch-a-sketch dancers were amazing but the secret to their success was that they were on the world's largest LCD screen – and were threatened with a horrible death if they fucked up.

Olympic Fashion...

While the ceremonies showed the world how artistic China is – they gave it all back with the yellow/red team outfits. NBC should have had Tim Gunn or Heidi Klum comment on all the outfits. "Bulgaria – you are out!" Tim: "make the berets work".

Where the hell is Yobooty?

Did I hear them announce a country called Jabooty or Yobooty?

Opening Ceremonies Costs

Opening ceremonies did cost $300 million but only if they had used American union workers, SAG actors and WGA writers. The out of pocket cost for the Chinese was $50 bucks.

All Olympic rants thus far...

1. Huge thunder thighs on the Canadian synchronized diver. Looking for bag to put on MY head.
2. Air rifle is the Curling of the summer Olympic. I understand why they wouldn’t want AK-47’s but at least use BB guns.
3. Whimpiest sport – Badminton– They’re giving up softball and keeping this.

• Opening ceremonies did cost $300 million but only if they had used American union workers, SAG actors and WGA writers. The out of pocket cost for the Chinese was $50 bucks.

• Did I hear them announce a country called Jabooty or Yobooty

• While the ceremonies showed the world how artistic China is – they gave it all back with the yellow/red team outfits. NBC should have had Tim Gunn or Heidi Klum comment on all the outfits. "Bulgaria – you are out!" Tim: "make the berets work".

• The etch-a-sketch dancers were amazing but the secret to their success was that they were on the world's largest LCD screen – and were threatened with a horrible death if they fucked up.

• Was I the only one who didn't take the French relay team seriously when they bragged they would "crush the Americans?” I believe they said the same thing to the Nazi's.

• Loved the reaction of the American relay team – but they don't exactly have that victory dance/celebration thing down. Michael Phelps with his pants mostly off - screaming - ain't gonna get it. Would love to have seen them break into a Stomp the Pool step routine – taunting the embarrassed French.

• Most awkward interview - female reporter yells at the relay team – "so who's talking now" – and they just stared at each other thinking it was a trick question until one of them finally said "we are?"

• The Chinese guy who killed the American committed suicide immediately after. I'm thinking he knew a fair trial was not gonna happen.

• I spent a half hour trying to get the color back on my TV before I realized it was smog. Yikes - - make's LA - on our smoggiest day - look like Hawaii. Thousands of years from now the Chinese will be born with at least 3 or 4 lungs and gills.

• When did the men swimmers start wearing girls’ bathing suits? Really -- is breaking an Olympic record worth risking male camel toe? I knew it would come to this when the men started wearing shower caps. I'd give anything to see a swimmer in cut off jeans and an AC/DC t-shirt.

• Anyone who thinks all the Chinese female gymnasts are 16 years old -- raise your hand and sign up for a Seeing Eye dog.

• It's not fair -- they seriously need to give the USA Basketball team some kind of handicap – like blindfolds. Nothing like humiliating your hosts and their biggest sports star. Although I gotta say the Chinese do seem to really love our guys. I just hope in a few years we don't see a rash of Chinack or Blanese orphans with names like Chowmella Anthony or La-jing Jam looking for their tall American fathers. On the other hand – they'd fit right in on the U of Florida football team.

• Is Andrea Kremer aging faster than time is moving? Her interviews were all terrible... she was embarrassing and she looks like a hybrid of a starving Angela Lansbury and an exhumed Jessica Simpson. How about when she kept pushing Laughlin by pounding her for her tendency to ride the lane marker during her breaststroke? Reminded me of Jim Gray on Pete Rose.

• Why wasn't Bella Karolyi subtitled? I was like huh? What? Is he even attempting English or was he just piss drunk... what was that? I'm thinking drunk since even Costas didn't understand what the hell he was talking about... as he had to correct him and tell him how the rules work for Olympic gymnastics. Costas is great .

• Speaking of Costas.... his interview with Bush was great. Other then picking a few key words and recycling them in his answers Bush actually appeared more intelligible and spontaneous, and dare I say, genuine than the imbecile he's made out to be.

• Am I the only one that noticed that when Bush was in the stands he had what appeared to be huge cuts and scrapes on his arm? Hmmm....

• How fucking great was that relay?

• How fucking disappointed did Katie Hoff's face look when she dominated the race she wasn't supposed to medal in only to get caught and outreached at the finish by the Australian to claim silver?

• Did the US gymnastics team uniforms look like they were made of rubber or some sort of bulletproof superhero skin? What about that little cannonball of muscle on our team that looks like she's better then everyone else combined?

• The TMZ tabloid drama of one swimmer rooming with another and then trading boyfriends and blah blah blah was awesome! That's what Olympics are all about... the heartwarming stories that come from the athletes.

• Why are the Americans openly and clearly getting shafted on gymnastic scores already? Well, I guess Bella thinks that, but then again he was wasted.

• The Chinese divers... I'm not gonna lie... I wanna fuck the shit out of Ling Ling or whatever her name is.

• Lastly... where is our babe Olympian? Amanda Beard... remember her? She was smoking hot! No, not feeling it so much for current crop.

• Toughest challenge in all of Olympics – doing Iron Cross look without looking like your balls are about to come out of your nose.