Days 2 and 3 of 17

Here's what I've learned after watching 2 1/2 days of these Winter Games... I like the Summer Games better. I never thought that, I actually always preferred the Winter Games as an Olympic fanatic. Now my angle is different, I'm not merely a spectator but a writer looking for hilarity to ensue and/or dramatic tension with highly polarizing characters. It's only been three days (I'm not including the day of) but it's also become obvious that what the Winter lacks is what the Summer has in spades. Drama. Suspense. Obviously there are many more events under the sun and multiple areas to do them but that's not really the point although it helps understand it.

The point is we were spoiled 2 years ago with Michael Phelps doing what has never been done nor will ever be done again. Until it is, I can say that. Each race he was involved in was must see tv. There were also many other athletes in the pool from the USA and other countries in both then men's and women's events with great story lines.

Usain Bolt was doing what no human in the history of the planet has ever been able to do. He's the biggest freak in sports history, I mean he has the title of Fastest Man in the History of the World with nobody even close. He had pizazz with his outfits and with the poses he struck. Again the entire track was surrounded with story lines for the boys and girls.

Gymnastics is well, gymnastics. Nothing but story lines.

Maybe another reason is the athletes in the snow are covered from head to toe making it less intimate. Either way... we need some frigid drama but there is still hope with the obvious cast of characters in "The Flying Tomato" Shaun White, Lindsey Vonn, Shani Davis, Apolo Ono and the lunatic Bode Miller... whom I'm really hoping and expecting to deliver in the drama department.

Of course most of the amazing stories, polarizing athletes and intense drama is likely to come from the unlikeliness of places, which is generally the case.

My thoughts on days 2 and 3 which isn't much...

Ski Jumping. Boring. It's usually not but it was this year. I don't know why. Theoretically shouldn't every single jump be exactly the same? I mean all they do is let go and slide off the ramp... how is one guy going further than another?

Biathalon. What a crazy goddamn event. Let's see... get your heart rate as high as possible through a cross country ski then lay in a prone position and fire your rifle at 5 targets 50 meters away the size of a condom. A missed target has to be "atoned for" which comes in the form of a 150 meter penalty lap, if you need to reload another penalty is incurred. I don't know half the rules, all I know is it was awesome. It's so hard none of the gold medal favorites earned a medal of any kind and the three winners were guys that weren't even considered as threats to win a medal. Now that's what I'm talking about.

Women's Hockey. There's a feminine joke there somewhere but I don't even care enough to crack one.

Nordic Combined. 25 minute long event and the only part that mattered was the last 15 yards where the American had a 20 yards lead but ran out of gas and gets passed by the Frenchman to lose by .04! Suicide is a better alternative than living with that for the remainder of your days. Some poor soul lost bronze by .07 the same way. The good news for the USA was in this event since the first Winter Games in 1924 no American has ever medaled.

Al Michaels interviewed J.R. Celsik form the Short Track, the same kid that is lucky to have won Bronze when the tow dip shit Koreans took each other out essentially handing Apolo Ono and him their medals, but even luckier to be alive after a skating crash cause his skate to damn near cut his leg off. Interesting fact... his Doctor was Eric Haiden who dominated the Sarajevo games by entering 5 speed skating events and taking home Gold in them all ala Mark Spitz and Michael Phelps.

Figure Skating finally kicks off. Not quite the same drama as oh say, Tanya Harding having her goons club Nancy Kerrigan but the first routine of the Games and China steps up and oh lodi dodi records the highest score ever in pairs with a 76.66... I could have said 7 right there and you wouldn't know the difference would you?

Americans stink again this year. How about a shout out for Fargo, ND in the Olympic Games! Dude learned to skate on a frozen pond behind his house in North Dakota... that my friends is the Olympic Games. Take it from me... I lived there. To make it out of that town to the Olympics is in itself a spectacular feat.

How ridiculously hard is this event to stay in unison, to music, with a personality that must show, theatrics, athletic ability, endurance on ice as if it were just another walk in the park.

Men's Mogul. Don't tell me you weren't pulling to see the man dubbed the "International Man of Mystery" win the Gold. It would have been irony at it's finest. Canada has never won Gold on their home soil yet the favorite was born and raised in Vancouver but moved to Australia and got his citizenship and elected to represent the team Down Under. It looked like he had it won until some Canadian kid came and smoked him forcing him to move out of the Gold lounger (what the fuck is that by the way, I have never seen the lounge chairs before and how shitty it must be to be dethroned like that). So we finally are forced to hear "Oh Canada". Now what should we talk about?

I love the event though... only one way to ski moguls. You tip toe on that point of a perfect run and completely fucking out of control.

Why does Dick Button change his boots for every interview with Al Michaels?

Controversy! Finally the Games bring something that isn't horribly bad news (Georgian Death in Luge) or almost just as bad news (Canada finally wins Gold). In Pairs Figure Skating Canada trips over themselves yet still managed to score a Silver Medal position to the commentators dismay. "Stunned". "Wow". "I don't know what to say". All immediate responses to the scores, which vaulted them and pushed the USA who seemingly had a much better and cleaner routine. Oh Canada!

That kid from Dancing with the Stars climbed to the top of the medal hierarchy and we were finally able to hear the Star Spangled Banner for the first time in these games. Ono also tied Bonnie Blair for the most decorated Winter Games US athlete with his 6th Medal, two of every color.

As for the Women's Moguls... US won Gold as I previously mentioned but what I forgot to mention was the size of the beak on the American that finished 3rd. Hey, it's not a beauty contest but some things you just can't ignore. That girl has quite possible the biggest Tucan beak I have ever seen on another human being let alone a girl. I'm not judging... Just saying.