Day 5

Let's kick off the day with the Biathalon, which is a great event, but the mind numbing piece of information that Germany covets it so much that their Sports Man of the Year AND their Sports Woman of the Year were BOTH Biathaletes.... is that what their called... if not you know what I mean. Apparently Germany doesn't get out much. At least their not trying to pass off their 6'5" chiseled Greek gods with full beards and deep voices as their Women's Swim team. I still laugh at that one.

The Biathalon was a complete disaster. First the event officials made not one, not two but three major errors in allowing one woman and two men to leave early or late. At one point the American was passed by somebody that should have left before him. Huh? There is no way that mistake should ever happen during the Olympic Games let alone a high school track meet... and three times! Also, the commentators were lost as to who was in what position and arguing with each other over whether or not the leader board graphic on the screen was accurate or not. A total mess. How the fuck are we supposed to know what's going on when the officials, commentators and NBC doesn't have a clue?

These Olympics are being dubbed the "Glitch Olympics" and rightly or wrongly that falls on Canada. The cauldron malfunction, the "free the flame" chants going around Vancouver as officials have blockaded it off making it impossible to get anywhere near it, the fact the Ice rink didn't have zamboni capable of keeping the Olympic ice skatable and although it's not their fault the weather has also been a major obstacle.

It should be noted that NBC deserves just as much heat for their pedestrian effort... I'll get into all that in a future post.

"The Folks at Dreamworks..." spots are awful. They're promoting something, a movie or something but their doing a piss poor job of making it funny, interesting or relevent. TiVo fast forward button pressed.

Al Michaels interviewed Scott Hamilton about this years crop of medal hopefuls and no matter what name Michaels pulled out Hamilton responded with praise like "amazing", "spectacular", "flawless", "phenominal", "best" and even "superhuman" to describe each skater from each country. So in other words they're all Olympic skaters? Jesus Christ, Hamilton... give us something to work with here. Somebody has to lose... where ae these "super human" skaters weak and don't give me this bullshit that they have no weaknesses in their routine because three quarters of them ended up on their ass. I could have went on the air and blown smoke up all their asses and said that there were 10 legitimate medal contenders but who would that really have benefited?

The segment on Russian figure skater Yalsdjfoia Plushenko was awesome. He's a pompous, self centered, arrogant, delusional fuck... I thinke he's awesome! He does too. He also thinks he's the greatest figure skater of all-time... funny thing is... he might be right. He's the defending Gold Medal winner and had lost only one meet in every event he participated in for the 3 1/2 years leading up to that event and his loss, a second place finish. He won that Gold by 27 points... that's the equivalent of winning the Master's by 18 strokes like Tiger Woods did. He's in perfect position to tie Dick Button as the only 2-time Gold Medal winning skater by starting off the night with a personal best 90.85 score, which is remarkably high. He was on fire and made it look like a stroll through the park. It's hard to imagine him not equaling Button.

To say the Canadian skater had a bad day is like saying Kevin Smith is chubby.

I don't get how these skaters can spin like an ice auger without getting dizzy. Well, all of them but the Canadian.

Germany dominated Women's Luge as expected which really defies logic as far as I'm concerned. How can you be "better" at sledding? I get that these are Olympic athletes but really how much skill do you really need to lay down on a sled and enjoy the ride?

As of the Luge wasn't boring enough as it is NBC continued their horrible coverage by putting up on screen graphics that are impossible for anyone to understand. They are editing these things so tight that they are leaving out all explanation from one point to the next. First they said the USA was in frist place, obviosuly because they showed that run which put them there... then they decided to skip ahead without showing any other competitor and the on screen leader was Russia... the next person goes and the leaser was Germany... all in the matter of 3 runs. Not one iota of explanation, drama, or information as to what was happening and how it happened.

Lindsey Jacobellis... the girl is the Buffalo Bills of female Snowboarding. Dominates the season yet can't bring home the hardware on the biggest stage. She handles it with dignity and class and you can't help but love her and feel bad for her.

Canada went on to win their 2nd Gold ever in the event by a 31 year old woman that grew up Snowboarding the mountains of Vancouver. Nice little home field advantage.

Ralph Lauren cleary gets it too... what's more Amerian than Snowboarding in jeans. How cool are the USA snow pants? They look so much like blue jeans that if you didn't know they weren't... you wouldn't.

Even cooler than the snow pants is watching these girls shred that mountain. It's the one sport I can relate too...kinda. Not at that level obviously but it gives you the perspective of really being able to appreciate how difficult it really is what they are doing. It's like watching pro golfers... they make those shots look easy but I golf, and when I see it, I know it was an unbelievable golf shot. Watching those girls and their skills was sick.

It's also interesting how flight slows you down and the less your board is off the ice the better it is causing every jump to be strategic in that you want to barely clear the jump in order to land perfectly on the downward slop for spped and momentum. Such a skillfull event that they make look easy.

Chris Collinsworth, Baby! When him and Bob Costas are in the same room magic happens. This segment was on The Flying Tomato. How is Shaun White still only 23 years old? He's been famous for 15 years! He's such a celebrity and iconic athlete already - makes you sick doesn't it - that he simply cannot train anywhere that he will not get mobbed by fans, friends, the media, etc. How does he deal with it.... he has a helicopter drop him off in the midde of nowhere in Colorado where he has his very own private and untouched sick half pipe where he is able to train uninterupted and master tricks that nobody has ever heard of or seen let alone executed. That's just ridiculously awesome.

I love how McDonald's Chicken McNuggets are the official food of these Olympic Games. WTF?

The night in Figure Skating was wild.... 95% of the population couldn't stand in skates while these guys are doing triple flying spins and all kind of crazy spin moves effortlessly.

The Italian dude in the Hillbilly outfit was unwatchable. Italy must be proud.

USA #1 looked like Edward Scissorhands with pink tassles. His entire routine felt very Tim Burton-esque from the lenky arms and movements to the costume to the music. I sweat it looked like Jack Skellington from "The Nightmare Before Christmas" on ice. He even nicknames the song "I love you, I hate you." Alrighty then. As if that wasn't weirdo enough for you he would only speak to his coach in Russian... he apparently obsesses over anything Russian. He's a whacko but skated very well actually and will contend for a medal.

USA #2 also looked like a creature staight out of Tim Burton's whacky imagination. Only this guy looked like a Tim Burton crow. And he was amazing. He skatest the best routine he's ever skated and recorded a mammoth 90.30... that's a very close 2nd place and a good time to mention that Scott Hamilton is the last American to bring home the Gold in 1984.

USA #3 didn't fare so well. He looked like Opie Talor and skated like Donald Duck. Despite the fact that he is the current US Champion and in his last major meet defeated the aforemention Crow.

It was interesting seeing the reporters interview those skaters that performed excellent routines and those reporters that interviewed the skaters that pissed away any medal hopes. The reporters were either elated with them or shared tears. What an interesting job... no idea what mood your going to be in in 1:30.